Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Sustaining a positive relationship

Over the past few days I have been thinking about the different relationships I have with friends and family. Today Allen also got a letter from his father about his relationship with his parents and his children in the State's.
I have got alot of friends who I care about in different ways I have friends who I learn from, friends I know I can count on in times of trouble, I have friends who I know will make me laugh no matter what situation Im in. I have friends who have wisdom in many areas that I can listen to and learn from, I have family that I can rely on when things are bad and when I need to vent. The thing about each of these relationshipe is that they are alive theya are an entity and by that I mean that they need to be nurished to be sustained to keep them alive. This means that I have to see each of these people, I need to know them and what makes them who they are, they need to know that I care for them too. I need to love them for who they are at whatever time that is in their life. I need to accept the chooses they make as they are theirs not mine. This is part of what it means to have a relationship. Its not a one way street it needs to come from both people. It annoys me when family think that One person has to make all the effort, make all the phone calls invite them to all the events do all the running around. Thats not a healthy relationship! For it to be worthwhile to both parties them information, love and respect, and acceptance for each other and their beliefs needs to be mutual if its not it ends up poison and will hurt people.
Allen and I have a good relationship we work on it every day, he tells me he loves me every day, we spend time with each other every day even if thats only a few minutes alone in bed before the kids wake up. We talk to each other and we accept each other for who they are FAULTS AND ALL. Im not perfect and neither is he we know this and it doesnt mean that we dont argue from time to time because we do we can agree to disagree with each other on topics but we respect each others feelings and points of view, and dont try to dominate each other. I think some people get so worked up about SMALL things that they fail to see the big picture. I laugh at my mother in law she doesnt like me for my un spoken-ness. Hey thats her choice I'm always going to be a part of her family like it or not, and my children will always be her grandchildren weather she decides to take the time to know them or not.
I decided a longgggggg time ago that if I felt a relationship was TOXIC then I would end it, I have people who I have known over half my life and I have people who I am friends with who I'm just starting to get to know, The one thing thats the same with all these people is that they all accept me for who I am and love me anyway. Thats what healthy relationship should be like, a bit of GIVE AND TAKE.