Saturday, July 9, 2016
When you significant other comes out.
This is not an easy time for you right now. I know that your hurting, your confused,angry, heartbroken. All the dreams that you had made together are now just a distant memory. I know because these are just some of the things I felt when my ex husband finally decided to tell me the truth and " came out". I will make it clear that for me when i was first told that he wasn't the person I married I had only two weeks prior had our first baby so I was extremely hormonal, I still stand by all the feelings I had, betrayed, lied to, used, I also felt incredibly dirty. I took some time after exploring why I felt this way, to try and understand the information he had told me I could " deal with"! I took to the Internet much as you have done now to find something anything?! Relating to my world at the current time, what I found was conflicting, emotional, soul destroying, and at its worst hateful towards my innocent questions in trying to understand and work through what "we" yes we were going through. At the end of the day he might have thought he unburdened himself, he didn't, he left me with his guilty secret that he had kept to himself for years only to tell me out of fear of me thinking he was having an affair. It actually wasn't till 10 years later that he actually told me the truth about who he was and that for him transition was the only answer. I knew this was coming for a long time, I helped him come off the fence that day and stop being scared, stop hiding, and be who he always wanted to be. At the same time he needed to give me the same freedom, for me to follow my dreams, of having a male partner who loved me, wanted me, who enjoyed spending time with me. I didn't receive the same treatment. Understand that at this time the person you are with is feeling very confused, scared for themselves, their future, and maybe even for you and your children. I know that your scared too, that the hurt is probably still very raw and to try and think about being compassionate is the last thing on your mind, take me advice... Please... Don't do anything to hurt each other, try and be as understanding as you can. If you need some space to think them use those words. I stopped loving my husband long before he came out, and not because of who he is becoming, try and be kind to each other, use kind language not hurtful words that scar. Let me know how your doing, I'll try and answer your questions, comments as quickly as I can. Xx
Posted by Katherine at 10:14 PM