Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Long time posting... reader discression advissed

Its been a while since I did a post, the main reason has been my stay in hospital. I went in on the 6th of October I was barely able to walk had been vomiting for several days and was stuttering again. All the signs that were there in January when I had my neurological attack. The Registra whos name was Phil (Dr Phil) was so nice and saw that I needed to be admitted right away. I was sent upstairs to bed 22 and that became my home for almost a month. I had test apon tast done and had a "team" of doctors looking over me trying to decide what was in my best interests. Allen was doing his best at home trying to keep the family together as well as being extreamly stressed with me being in the hospital. During my second week 2 of my doctors from my "team" One who was the head of surgery and another who was the main doctors decided that they would go on holidays for 2 weeks! This left me having more tests and daily bloods taken, and I hate needles! They also found that my potassium levels were dangerously low leaving me with the potential of having a heart attack so they started me on a drip of pure potassium, thats when I found that my viens dont like it very much and the needles tissued each time and the pain was like having liquid fire shoot through my arm. I still couldnt talk but the look on my face and tears streaming down my face was enough for the nurses to order another bag with a diluted form it took longer to get into my system but the pain was lessened. I also had a constant saline drip going through my other arm so I was attatched to plastic for long periods throughout the day and night.
When your in hospital and you cant speak it gives you alot of time to reflect and also to observe. I observed alot, I watched the way certain nurses treated certain patients or could hear them talk about them late at night. I watched and listened to the doctors closely watched the way they looked at me the way they moved around me, and how they felt in my pressence. I listened to the "young" doctors just learning and the way they joked about things I found offensive and wrong. I also know that while I was staying on my ward 2 people passed away. I watched the family of one come out of the "family room" tears still in their eyes and crying softly and thanking the doctors for all they had done. I said a silent prayer for them to give them strength in their time of need. It also made me wonder what would happen if something should happen to me? The surgery that we are looking at is complicated and is risky, it involves opening my skull and exposing my brain so that is always going to involve risk. What I didnt know was that something else was going to happen sooner that would bring me closer to deaths door.
When we arrived at the hospital that day by ambulance on the 6th I knew I was pregnant. Allen and I were in shock. We had a 1 in 200 chance of falling pregnant and I had managed it. After weeks of tests confirming the pregnancy and more tests to see how far along I was and yet another one to see that yes there is a baby in there. I asked for a night away to watch Xaviour recieve an award for his youth awards night. I had been looking forward to it all week. I didnt give a hoot that it was grandfinal day, I just wanted to be there for Xaviour. A few days before that Saturday I had started to have some "spotting" the doctors said to keep an eye on it but not to worry to much. I knew better, I told them I was going to misscarry I was cramping allthough not badly, but my back was aching a sure sign that things were on the way. At 5.00 Allen came into the bedroom where I was napping to let me know to get ready soon as we had to be there at 6.30. I knew that with my dizzyness it was going to take a while to get dressed and do my hair and put a little bit of makeup on so I got up. I had a sudden cramp, it hurt and sent me to the bathroom where I had our little girl. I sat and cried for a while but again didnt want to ruin the night for Xaviour, so quietly I told Allen and asked him to get a box so I could put her in. After I did that I spent a while in the bathroom crying and cleaning up myself. Trying to get ready to leave. Wave apon wave kept hitting me and I was forced back to the bathroom, I was loosing alot of blood. I was deturmined not to ruin this night for Xaviour so after changing yet again I made my way out of the house, this was no easy feat. A wave hit me before I reached the steps I didnt want to fall, I kept thinking it would be fine Id put extra sanitary products in my bag Id be fine. We were half way there when another wave hit me and they just wouldnt stop, I felt flooded, I had my knees together and I put my hand on them to balance myself thats when I noticed they were covered in blood. I showed Allen who isnt good with blood, he said "dont worry we'll stop and get you something" but I knew this was wrong. I was getting cold and starting to get the shakes. I remember a friend telling me when she hamoraged how she felt cold and had to fight to stay awake. Thats when I started to panic, we got to the chapel  and I was trying to tell Allen to get the kids out of the car and call an ambulance. The kids were sent inside while we waited for the ambulance to arrive. They got me in and started a drip then another then a third I couldnt stop shaking I was so cold and couldnt stop crying. Lights and sirens screaming all the way into the hospital and then I was surrounded peple pulling at me both top and bottom. More needles and more drips more chaos I was so scared. Allen came in and held my hand and tried to calm me while I cried and cried and tried to calm down. They sent me in to have emergency surgery 30 minuts later. I had lost over 2 litres of blood and had to have a transfusion and more saline. I went back to my little bed 22 that night vowing to never have this happen again to me. What happened was tragic, but it could have been alot worse, and I am still mourning the loss in my own way in my own time and Im not giving myself a limit on it, when Im done I'll know.
For me now.. Im focusing on getting to see this doctor in Sydney as soon as I can. He has been in touch with us here and we will be in touch with him again next week. Im hoping that this man can help me and aliviate some of my symptoms.   

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