When I was 9 my parents seperated, I was young and I was very confussed and hurt. I was very close to my father and could not understand why my dad who I loved with all my heart could walk out on me and my brother and sister. I remember going around to the womans house who was having an affair with my father and I yelled at her through her fence to come and talk to me, to face me to explain to me how she still had her family and I didn't. It took a long time before I could see my father again and when I did I was angry and lashed out at him.
Years later I still wonder what my family would have been like if my parents had stayed together, what I would be like.
The fact is we are who we are because of the experiences we have. I am the person I am today because of the past I have. I wasnt responsible for the divorce nor did I want it. As an adult you learn that things are not black and white. There are things we dont know as children and things we should NEVER know about our parents.
I know because Ive been there, that it hurts to want your parent and he/she not being there. I know that when things are bad at home and you want to talk to the other parent and you can't that its frustrating and hard to deal with. I know there were times when I was younger whenit was too much for me when I felt pulled in one direction or another being forced to choose between parents. Who was right? Who was wrong? Who do I love more?Do I love the other one less? Its hard even now thinking of that. The fact is I love and will always love BOTH my parents they are who they are I can't change who they are nor would I want to. They are not perfect neither of them but they are good people who just could not live together anymore, and that wasnt because they didnt love me or my siblings its because they loved us that they realised that being apart from each other was the Best thing for us as their children.
When I had a man ask me to marry him I was 18 and I did love this man but I was scared. Scared of getting married to the wrong person at the wrong time. Would I end up having children and then would my children end up like me? Hurt and wondering why? I said no to this man, he is a good guy I just wasnt ready nor was I wanting tomake a mistake for either of us or my future.
When I did get married it was to someone who hurt me long before we got married, it was the wrong man and the wrong reason and I got divorced. I've tried over the years to have a civil relationship with my childrens father I don't talk bad about him to them I just waited for him to show his colours and let them make their own decision.
As a divoced kid you need to make your own decision but it has to be an informed one and without prejudice. As a divorced kid its hard to be civil sometimes when your hurt, but as a kid you need to respect the parent. It doesn't mean you have to like all the decisions they make or who they are with or what they have done in their past. What you have to do is understand that they are human too and they make mistakes just like kids do, just accept them for who they are and be happy that they have done everything they can for you. Stay in touch.